Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
