I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
