bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize