We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
