I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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