my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
