Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize