mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
