i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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