its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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