in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
