you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
