Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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