My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
