Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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