just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
