I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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