Pappa wants mamma naked
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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