I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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