I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
