So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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