I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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