i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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