omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
