You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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