I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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