Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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