Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
