it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
