She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
