My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
