I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
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MIDGETS
????
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize