i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
