I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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