I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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