Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
