He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
