i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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