Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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