nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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