Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
