I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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