its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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