Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
