omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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