omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
