The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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