Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
