i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
