So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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