in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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