I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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