Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
