He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
