I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
