I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
