He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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