i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
