She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
