he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
