Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
