You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
