On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im six kinds of drunk right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
