I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
