Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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