Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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