A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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