Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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