She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
