i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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