So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
