I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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