paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
